


Afraid Of Losing You

by Badassium1970



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, M/M, Moving Out, Ninja Ship Party, Polygrumps, Razzabang - Freeform, ShipGrumps, past crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:50:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badassium1970/pseuds/Badassium1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's moving out, but Barry's in love with him and is afraid that Dan will forget about him when he moves, he knows it's stupid since they'd still be working together but he can't stop those thoughts. Brian notices Barry's acting weird and confronts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Barry was acting strange; it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. Brian found out within the first few minutes of recording but brushed it off, they had been recording for a while and it had been a busy day at the office, honestly it had been a busy month for everyone so strange behaviour was bound to happen, but after a while Brian became worried as he was unsure of whether this strange behaviour was due to over-tiredness or something else. As time went on it the answer was leaning towards the latter as Brian had been around Barry enough to know what he acted like when he was tired and this wasn’t it. The older man became worried that something was seriously wrong with his friend. 

During their play through of Crazy Taxi Brian had to comment on it, the lovelies would probably think something is up anyway so he figured even making a joke out of it for now would keep people from questioning the weird behaviour. 

“I’ve gotta deliver more babies!” Barry yelled, louder than he normally would get on the show, and the whole baby bit was pretty out there for him too. 

“You are out of control today,” Brian commented, playing it off as a light joke, knowing people would take it that way. Barry glanced at him and Brian was sure he saw a sadness in the younger man’s eyes before he quickly turned back to face the game and continue yelling about babies. 

“I’ve not seen you this high energy in a long time,” Brian continued, a hint of a laugh in his voice, or at least he hoped it came off as a hint of a laugh and not concern which was what he was feeling right now. Barry of course just brushed it off yelling the name of the game as well as over nonsense that Brian could barely piece together due to how fast the younger man was talking. 

“This is like crazy Barry the game,” Brian went on, but Barry seemed to not really be paying much attention to him, he continued the conversation sure, but he wasn’t exactly taking it anywhere, mostly he was just repeating what the older man said. It didn’t really matter though. Getting deep into personal problems wasn’t exactly the best thing to do on the show, Brian just wanted to be sure something was definitely wrong with his friend before interrogating him. 

A few minutes later Brian questioned Barry again but it didn’t go any better. 

“So Barry, tell me why you’re so high energy today.” 

“I’M DRIVING A CRAZY TAXI!” Barry almost screamed and it was obvious that something was up. Normally Barry would make something up, something a lot cleverer, not that this wasn’t entertaining, well it would be entertaining to the viewers, however, for Brian it was less entertaining as he was worrying about his friend. 

“Barry we’re doing real talk, this…” Brian was quickly cut off by Barry’s outbursts.

“I don’t have for real talk; do you see this bullshit that’s happening?”

“This is real Grumps right now,” Brian stated, his voice a bit more serious.

Barry continued to ignore Brian and failed to notice that the older man was obviously worried. 

“You are being tremendously evasive right now.” 

“I’m not being evasive; I’m trying to focus so I don’t lose to your stupid score.” Barry’s voice was defensive as he rambled on looking unsure of what he was saying. Clearly he was just talking for the sake of talking. 

“Why don’t you tell me why you’re low energy Brian?” Barry’s tone was almost accusing and Brian could see the younger man was starting to sweat and showing other signs of discomfort. 

“I’m not low energy,” Brian began only to be cut off by Barry again. 

“Why do I need an excuse to be excited to play Crazy Taxi with my good friend Brian?” Barry’s voice was verging on frustrated as his voice rose. It was almost scary but Brian wasn’t willing to drop it yet. 

“Wow Barry, I have seen someone so terrified of real talk as you are.” Brian got no reply to his comment as Barry changed topic to the game, he let the younger man have a moment away from the conversation, he didn’t want him to full on snap while recording, he would save that till after recording so he could find out what was wrong and how or if he could help.

Barry said that he would not partake in real talk until he beat Brain’s score which he soon did, normally Brian would complain about how bullshit the game was or declare a rematch but today he didn’t care about losing, he just wanted to know what was wrong with Barry, that was all he cared about for the time being.

“Alright, real talk. I dunno things are really good.” Brian would almost believe that the younger man was telling the truth if it weren’t for the fact that his voice rose in pitch as he spoke and his eyes kept darting from the screen to Brian to the other side of the room, to the controller in his hands. 

Brian faked a laugh, it was pretty convincing, when you work in universities with some boring professors who think they’re the funniest people in the world, you learn how to fake a convincing laugh pretty quickly. 

“So what’s up? What’s up with your life?” Brian knew he wouldn’t get a serious answer, but the answer he got was good enough to seal his suspicions that something was up with Barry. 

“What’s up with my life? Man I don’t know… Umm… I…I… What? It’s Aril… April’s a pretty good month.” 

Barry was stumbling, unsure of what he was saying and obviously avoiding what he really wanted to talk about. There was also a sadness in his voice that Brian picked up on and would ask about later, for now he asked about April fool’s day and the two began a somewhat coherent conversation for the last few minutes of the episode. 

After they’d ended the episode and turned off the capture Brian wasted no time asking Barry why he was acting so strange. 

“So Barry what’s wrong?” 

Barry had already gone to leave so he could avoid the questions he knew were coming, unfortunately he wasn’t quick enough.

“Huh? Nothing’s wrong with me Bri, don’t you worry.” Barry cringed at how peppy and unlike himself he sounded. He was terrible at lying, always had been. 

“Barry, come on.” Barry sighed, inside he felt glad that Brian cared enough to continue asking and not just brush it off, like other people had. Brian noticed Barry looked even more upset, not even trying to hide it as he walked back over to the couch and sat next to Brian.

“I… I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, about things in my life,” Barry shook his head, he was convinced that he sounded stupider than he did. What he was upset about shouldn’t be such a big deal anyway, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen it coming, but for some reason it was still a shock as were the revelations that came with it, those shouldn’t have been either in hindsight. 

“It’s just, I know it sounds stupid and I’m overthinking it but I guess I’m just upset about Dan moving out.” 

There it was, out in the open. Barry expected some sort of explanation of why he shouldn’t be upset, or a list of things he should be excited about however that wasn’t what he got.

“Well yeah, you’ve been living together for a while, it makes sense.” 

Barry nodded, sure that was part of it, but there was something else, something he had only just began to accept and admit to himself. Could he tell Brian? The thought of it being out in the open made it seem all the more real, but Brian knew Dan better than anyone being around him for the longest, and he would most likely understand.

“Bri, it’s not just that.”

Brian looked at Barry, waiting for him to carry on. Barry felt his face grow hot and he felt embarrassed.

“Um, I guess, I’ve been around him for so long… and I think… well I…”

“Love him?” Brian suggested, his voice almost a whisper and there was a hint of pain, as if had experienced this before. 

Barry felt his face get hotter and Brian resisted the urge to chuckle as the younger man whose face was now crimson. Barry finally nodded. 

“Yeah, I know it’s stupid but I do, and I guess I’m just scared. It’s stupid, I know but I feel like I’ll lose him when he moves out.” 

Brian understood, when he had moved to London he was filled with regret because he thought he was going to lose Dan and he had just discovered that he had a crush on his band-mate and friend. He did get over that crush, eventually, it took a few years. He felt incredibly guilty during that time and told his wife about his feelings, and even though she understood and he still loved her too and made sure she knew that, the guilt didn’t fade, it still hadn’t gone away completely. Every time he was around Dan he remembered those feelings he’d once had, and he still felt some shame. Barry was lucky, he was single as was Dan, he didn’t lose sleep thinking about what his crush could do to his current relationship, if he would lose his wife and not be able to see his baby being born, or watch that baby grow up.

“I understand how you feel, when I moved to London I felt the same.” Brian didn’t go into much detail but it was enough to make Barry feel a little bit better, knowing he had someone he could talk to. 

“Did you, do you…?” 

Brian nodded, knowing what Barry was trying to ask.

“Yes, I used to, but I never acted on it. I was too afraid. You should though. I always regretted not doing anything about it, it’s a terrible feeling.”

Barry had never planned on telling Dan how he felt. He knew Dan wouldn’t feel the same so he never felt the need to. The thought of being shot down scared him as did the thought of Dan thinking of him differently and acting differently around him also made him think that telling Dan was a terrible idea. 

“Bri, I don’t think that’s… I mean… he’s not even into guys, there’s not point.” 

Brian smirked, he swore he would never tell anyone what Dan had told him one night after a few to many drinks, and then confirmed the next day when Brian asked, full of hope. He never did anything about it though, due to the fear and guilt. Barry was in the same situation as he was years ago, and helping him was worth breaking his promise to Dan. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Brian comment, he wasn’t exactly telling him Dan’s secret, just hinting at it. Barry looked at Brian surprised and confused. 

“What, he… but…” Barry couldn’t form a proper sentence, there was no way Brian was saying when he thought he was saying. There was no way Dan was into guys, Barry had never seen him show any interest in guys and he’s lived with him for a while now. 

“He doesn’t like to put a label on it,” Brian continued as it was clear that Barry needed extra confirmation. 

“So I, Bri are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

Barry shook his head.

“No, I don’t mean are you sure he’s into guys, I mean, are you sure that you want to tell me tell him?” 

Brian looked at him confused. 

“What do you mean do I want you to tell him, of course I do.” 

Barry felt bad, Brian was giving him the chance he never took and Barry wondered if Brian still wanted to take the chance.

“Don’t you want to take that chance?” 

Brian sighed, he knew that he still had some feelings, they weren’t like they once were, but they never truly went away. He could cope with them though, he didn’t need to take that chance, he had everything he could ever ask for. 

“No, I got over him years ago. I still love him, but as a best friend. You go for it Barry, if there was any guy I wanted to be with Dan and make him happy, I would want it to be you, I do want it to be you.” 

Barry embraced the older man, felling his heart beating with compassion for Brian. He never expected to have such a heartfelt conversation with him. 

“Thank you.” 

Brian hugged his friend back, smiling. He would never admit it if anyone asked but he definitely had tears in his eyes. 

That night Barry went home after a long day of editing. He was tired but he barely felt it due to how nervous he was. Dan had gone home early; Arin had drove him since they didn’t have much to do. They just recorded a few one offs for the back catalogue. Barry opened the door to see Dan cuddled in the blanket watching something on Netflix, he didn’t seem that interested, eyes instantly drawn to Barry when he entered the room. 

“Hey, Barry, something up?” 

Barry stood there, unsure of what to do. It was now or never. 

“Well, um, just I… I need to talk to you about some stuff that’s I’ve been thinking about.” 

Dan patted the spot next to him on the couch, pausing the show. Barry sat next to his friend, further than he usually would which Dan noticed and wondered if he’d done something wrong. 

“So what’s up?” 

“Um, so I… um so this whole you moving out thing… it’s just… I’m gonna miss you.” 

Dan smiled and moved closer to Barry, he though he saw the younger man flinch and refrained from putting his arm round him or hugging him. 

“Dude, I’m gonna miss you to.” 

“Dan, it’s not just that, I’m… I’m afraid,” Barry clenched his fists trying to keep back tears he could feel forming. 

“Afraid? Barry, you’ve lived alone longer than I have, why are you afraid?” 

Barry tried to hold it together, he really did, but he’d held it in for so long, sure he’d told Brian and that was hard enough but this was Dan, this was who his worries were about. Soon tears were falling slowly down Barry’s cheeks but he made himself continue. 

“Dan, I’m afraid I’m going to lose you, I…”

Dan suddenly hugged Barry, feeling his tears soak through his shirt. 

“Barry, you’re never going to lose me, sure you’ll see less of me, but you’ll never lose me.” 

Barry’s hands were clenched, holding Dan’s t-shirt as if he was trying not to let him go and if he did then he would actually lose him. 

“Do you promise, not matter what?” Barry whispered through gentle sobs. His heart was pounding and he knew Dan could probably feel it but he didn’t care right now. 

“Of course I promise, no matter what Bear.” 

Barry took a deep breath and hoped that Dan was telling the truth.

“Dan, I love you.” 

The words were out there now. They had been put out into the word and what would be done with them was now in Dan’s hands. 

Dan felt a wave of relief flow through him, he’d been waiting for Barry to say those words but never thought he would and Dan knew he would never gain the courage to, the only person he’d told he was into guys was Brian and that was due to alcohol. 

“I love you too Bear; I was planning on moving out so I could get over you.”

Barry looked at Dan, seeing the smile on his face and tears of joy in his eyes. 

“Really?” 

Dan nodded, tears falling as he did so.

“I want to stay with you forever.” 

Barry smiled, crying again but this time out of happiness. He knew that Dan was normally scared of commitment but the words had flown off of his tongue so easily, as if he’d wanted to say them for a while. 

“Me too,” Barry admitted before leaning in and kissing his roommate and now boyfriend.


	2. Afraid of Losing You - Alternate Ending

That night Barry went home after a long day of editing. He was tired but he barely felt it due to how nervous he was. Dan had gone home early; Brian had drove him since they didn’t have much to do. They just recorded a few one offs for the back catalogue. When Barry opened the front door he heard a low moan that he knew was Dan, but it was strange because he didn’t jerk off in the living room due to being walked in on as well as the two agreeing that the living room is not the place for masturbating as other people come over and sit on that same couch they do. 

Barry hesitantly walking into his apartment and silently gasped at what he saw. 

Dan was sitting in someone’s lap, a man’s lap, grinding down on them as low moans and whimpers escaped his mouth. The man below Dan had his hands in Dan’s hair, pulling it. He was whispering the dirtiest things Barry had ever heard. The worst thing, that man was Brian. 

Barry wanted to turn away. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. His eyes were fixed on what was going on in front of him. Tears filled his eyes as his heart broke, but he refused to cry. Brian had told him about his feelings for Dan, and when they were talking earlier that day Barry could tell Brian still had feelings for Dan. It just stung. 

The younger man went to move to his room but as he did he tripped over Dan’s shoes which had been left in the doorway and fell, grabbing onto a nearby countertop with a loud exclaim of surprise. Dan’s head quickly turned round, his hair hitting Brian in the face and Barry couldn’t help but feel a sick sense of enjoyment out of that. Brian’s eyes snapped from looking at Dan to Barry. His eyes were filled with regret and sorrow but Barry didn’t care. He was angry and had every right to be so, but he wasn’t going to show it with Dan around because it wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t have to be put in the middle of it.

“Oh, Barry. Sorry, I thought you’d be longer and um I shouldn’t be doing this here. Sorry spur of the moment.” Dan had a worried look on his face, afraid that Barry would judge him. He didn’t look that sorry at all. 

“It’s okay. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna head to my room.”

Barry left the room the stinging in his chest becoming more and more prominent and as soon as he shuts the door to his room his tears escape. Dropping down onto the bed after toeing of his shoes, his face hits his pillow and he cried into it, trying not to let any loud sobs escape. He can hear laughing and moans every now and again causing him to cry harder. He wanted to hate Brian, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t necessarily do the same thing if he was in the older man’s position, in fact he knew he wouldn’t, but Brian had loved Dan for a long time, longer that Barry had even known Dan.

Half an hour later Barry heard a knock at his door. He decided to ignore it, wiping his eyes knowing whoever it was at the door was going to come in anyway.   
He heard the door knob turn and click as the door opened. Barry didn’t even turn to see who it was, but from the way they were stammering and going to speak it became clear that it was Brian. 

Anger spiked though the younger man’s body and he sat up, his fists clenched as he glared at Brian. 

“Fuck you,” Barry tried to sound strong but his voice came out weak and croaky due to crying. 

“Barry, I’m sorry. Dan, he was saying how he had been having these feelings for me and I, I couldn’t help myself. I told myself I was over him but I never was. I… I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Barry could tell Brian was sorry, could see it in his expression and body language, but he wasn’t letting him get away with it that easily. 

“You told me to go after him. I would never do anything like this to a friend, not matter how much I loved someone.”

“Barry, please. I know I shouldn’t have done this but I’ve loved him for so long when he told me I wasn’t thinking about anything else. Please don’t hate me.”   
Barry understood. 

“I don’t hate you Bri, it just hurts. I guess I just need some time alone.”

Brian respected Barry’s wishes and left with a goodbye that wasn’t returned.

Dan never found out what happened so at the office the two were all over each other for the first few months of their relationship and after those few months the men calmed down a bit and it was just sweet kisses ever now and again as well as cuddles when they had breaks in-between working. It hurt Barry a lot at first. Brian didn’t come over that often when Dan was still living with Barry but he knew who Dan was with whenever he didn’t come home after work. With time things got better. Dan moved out and with seeing him less Barry could finally move on. Brian and Barry were able to work through what had happened, it would take a while for Barry to be able to fully trust him again and it would take longer for the two to be as close as they used to be. Barry still felt a stab in heart every now and again due to seeing them together but as time went on the feeling began to get away. He realised something though. Brian was right, he regretted not telling Dan every day.


End file.
